The New "I Do"

The New "I Do"

Reshaping Marriage for Skeptics, Realists, and Rebels

Book - 2014
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"If half of all cars bought in America each year broke down, there would be a national uproar. But when people suggest that maybe every single marriage doesn't look like the next and isn't meant to last until death, there's nothing but a rash of proposed laws trying to force it to do just that. In The New I Do, therapist Susan Pease Gadoua and journalist Vicki Larson take a groundbreaking look at the modern shape of marriage to help readers open their minds to marrying more consciously and creatively. Offering actual models of less-traditional marriages, including everything from a parenting marriage (intended for the sake of raising and nurturing children) to a comfort or safety marriage (where people marry for financial security or companionship), the book covers unique options for couples interested in forging their own paths. With advice and quizzes to help readers decide what works for them, The New I Do acts as a guide to thinking outside the marital box and the framework for a new debate on marriage in the 21st century"--
Publisher: Berkeley, CA, Seal Press,, [2014]
Copyright Date: ©2014.
ISBN: 9781580055451
Characteristics: 232 pages ; 21 cm.
Additional Contributors: Larson, Vicki 1956-,- Author


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May 14, 2015

A coldly rational look at the modern institution of marriage. Should be required reading for anyone contemplating adding it to the pantheon of life experiences.

LRS1969 Apr 16, 2015

After reading a recent article in Vicki Larson's "OMG Chronicles" (which concluded with a hype for this book), I was left exceptionally saddened.

I cannot believe that Huffington Post (which does seem to be more and more "anti marriage" anymore) keeps hyping these tremendously negative relationship articles as put out by Ms. Larson (book co-author and, yes, not unsurprisingly, herself divorced - an apparent long term divorcee who never remarried, suggesting a bitterness towards the institution?).

Plus I tire of all the "expert" people - who should know better - who hype the myth of the 50% divorce rate. The truth is that the divorce rate was pretty stable (and low) until the mid 1960s when it began climbing. And reached its peak in the early 1980s (but even then NOT 50%) and then started gradually downward. And has continued downward at a slightly higher rate over the last 15 years (to where it is approaching the 1960 level). Some who try to just its "truth" count multiple divorces by the same people (and it is true that once you get divorced your odds of the next marriage ending in divorce - or relationship failing - skyrockets; and even more so with each subsequent one).

It is like the myth about a NEED to drink 8 glasses of water a day for health. There's no such thing. Some need more, some less, and it varies daily. But once someone claimed it somewhere, it became THE truth - and everyone repeats it!

In any case, as I read these very negative relationship articles (they clearly don't grasp compromise and the idea of a Team Approach versus a Me Approach) are in fact by people who have a history of failed relationships (marriage or otherwise) and are deep down very bitter people!

And, as an anecdotal example, my wife and I met and had a first date at 15, later reconnected and stagnated at 17, were married at 18 - and have been married for over 45 years now. Ups and downs? Yes. Times when the WE Concept interfered with there being a perfect ME situation? Yes. But you work through those things (maturing, responsible attitudes, maturity development) and we are doing great.

Out of our two extended families (from us and our siblings down through adult grandchildren) there are 38 adults.  Of us and our siblings and our children (29 total with the 20 kids running from late 30s to mid 40s), there have been 3 kids never married, 26 married and FOUR divorces. That is less than 1/6th, and NOT 1/2. (Adult grandkids not counted as all very young adults and none ever married).

And of people that I know, that my wife knows, that is by far more the norm. Of the 30+ friends and neighbors she knows well, my wife could think of 2 that were ever divorced.

Anecdotal evidence, yes. But I would believe that many more people relate to that scenario than the concept that HALF the people that they know who are married or ever been married were divorced!

I see all of these love thyself foremost people, these "Always Me and NEVER We" article authors as trying their hardest to push their very negative attitudes about real relationships and thereby justifying their own bitterness and lack of commitment, responsibility, and maturity... and they should be ashamed of themselves!

I see them as systematic of the Self Help Movement genre in general, along with all of the evils brought in by that junk science / pseudo psychology scamming.

For more information in that latter area, I would HIGHLY recommend the book "SHAM - How The Self Help Movement Made America Helpless" by Steve Salerno.

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